Why? How do you get this to stop? Who knows?

So, this is a difficult week for me. My beautiful daughters are on vacation with their dad. I’m SO HAPPY they are having fun. I should be with them. They are taking another family vacation and I’m not with them. I have mixed feelings about everything right now. It’s making me so anxious, and I can’t stay focused. Every little thing is spiking my anxiety.
After successful visits to counseling and medications, my face was ALMOST cleared up. I was SO EXCITED. And guess what? I now have marks all over again. I had to go to the BMV today to get a new license and stickers for my plates. Guess what I thought about it all day long. I stressed about the new policy for licenses and if I would have all the right paperwork. I couldn’t concentrate at work. I picked at my face. OH GREAT! I get to take a new license picture with a face clearly covered with a gob of makeup to mask the marks.
Now I sit on the couch upset with myself because I have messed it up again. I’m actually thinking about cutting my nails down to the skin so that I can’t do it anymore. But then I know I’ll go grab tweezers instead. Dermatillomania is such a horrible battle to fight. It is embarrassing, it is frustrating, it makes me want to not go anywhere or do anything because I look awful.
I’m just hoping to reach someone and let them know they are not alone. Having horrible marks on your face is not only because people are on meth or drugs, some people have marks because they can’t control the urge to make that tiny bump disappear and don’t realize they will only make it worse. It relieves the thoughts that are stressing you out because now you are worried about that stupid thing on your face. It’s a vicious cycle. Just like life. You are doing good, and then boom, downward spiral. I pray I will be better someday. I must have hope.

Clinically Diagnosed and Wanting To Share

image from Google images: "Sad Flower" Canvas Print by Jadekingfisher

Before I start this blog, I want you to know that I am not a therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, etc. I am merely a patient that was recently diagnosed with severe clinical depression and anxiety. What I also want to stress is that no two people have the same story, have the same circumstances and will not be able to always have the same treatments. We are all different. Our stories are different, our situations are different and we need to ask for help to get through it no matter what.

Because our situations are different, what we can handle in life is up to us as well. If you are not well enough to take care of yourself, you will not be well enough to care for your home, your children, your marriage. Some can stay married and get through it - especially if they have a supportive spouse that wants to understand what you are going through. Others end their marriage because they feel like a failure and a burden in the household.

The most important thing - no matter what the situation is - is acknowledging that anxiety and/or depression is present. If it is you, it is time to come to grips and get help. If it is your child, it is your duty to get them the help they need. I can promise you, anxiety and depression in childhood will only follow them into adulthood without support and treatment.

Anxiety can present in many ways. In my situation, my anxiety comes in the form of dermatillomania and when severe it becomes trichtillomania as well. Many of you may have these issues as well but didn’t know it was an actual diagnosed disease and that there is help for it. They are real. See images below for explanation. If you have questions or want to talk about your issues, please reach out to me.

My following blogs will be about personal stressors that cause my anxiety and depression, what I do to help my issues, and how there are many resources to help you as well. I want to offer options in your life to help you refocus your energy. I will promise to help you as I needed someone to help me.